fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize