i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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