the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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