This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
third nipple confirmed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
