You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
