Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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