And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
