Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think a kid would responsible me up
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
