fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
