I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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