Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
