Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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