ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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