For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Buhtt sex?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
