You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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