He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
