walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
