I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
