and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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