im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
