I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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