you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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