did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
