I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Randomize
