if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
