Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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