I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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