Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no, he came in my armpit
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
