I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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