Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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