I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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