i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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