Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
