If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
