Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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