I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
