Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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