READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
