So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
