I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
