Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
