addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
