please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
