yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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