I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
