It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
