The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
