ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
