I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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