First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
