Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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