She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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