We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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