Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We had sex on a dog bed..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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