Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
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I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Found your dick twin last night
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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