Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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