I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
