My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Girls should come with a carfax report
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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