Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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