tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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