RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
