hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
