Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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