i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
