The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
