Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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