you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
