I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.