She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.