happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish