I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.