I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains