This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.