Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
