oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
