My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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