sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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