Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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