Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
