oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
