You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ketchup is God's man juice
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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