there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
